WHY DID I MARRY A FRASER?

JENNY 
Oh Jamie it’s SO good to see you. You’ll ken Ian, my husband.

JAMIE 
Husband? I dinna exactly mind gaen you permission to marry

JENNY 
And just how was I supposed to ask you?

You left me here, lonely and scared,
Convinced that you’d come to harm,
Never sent a message to tell me you cared, 
Then come back wi’ a Sassenach on your arm. 

JAMIE 
This is my wife. Dinna you dare call her a Sassenach 

CLAIRE
But you call me that all the time

JAMIE 
Aye, well, that’s different

CLAIRE 
Ian, how did you and I get mixed up with this lot?

IAN 
I really dinna ken lass.  Mind you, the Frasers are nae the only clan wi faults.

The Grahams are stupid,
MacKenzies are sly,
Campbells deceive, as a rule,
But one thing about Frasers,
Is they seldom lie,
Just a pity they’re stubborn as a mule.

JAMIE 
Stubborn?

JENNY
Nonsense

IAN 
So you don’t think you’re stubborn?

CLAIRE 
Now there’s a surprise,

IAN 
Well go on and prove it, in front of our eyes,

CLAIRE 
Just turn to each other, and apologize,

JAMIE/ JENNY 
Never!

CLAIRE 
Why did I marry a Fraser?

IAN 
Every time they’re together, there always is bother,
It ‘s hard to accept, they are sister and brother,

CLAIRE 
But think how they’d be, if they DIDN’T like each other,

IAN 
Why did I marry a Fraser?

JENNY  
Jamie, you are happy that I married Ian?

JAMIE 
Oh aye. Ian’s a grand lad.

JENNY
 I’m so pleased that you approve

JAMIE 
Aye.  Just a peety you hadnae sought my consent first

JENNY 
Jamie!

IAN 
Claire, why did we chose them?

CLAIRE 
Perhaps we’re .... insane,

IAN 
They’re awkward,

CLAIRE 
And sulky,

IAN 
Bad tempered,

CLAIRE 
And vain,

JAMIE 
Vain?

CLAIRE 
Yes, you strut about there, like a Highland John Wayne,

CLAIRE 
Why did I marry a Fraser?

JAMIE 
So what do you think of Claire?

JENNY
She seems refined and witty and clever and...

JAMIE 
You mean, all the things I’m nae?

JENNY 
Jamie.  You said it.

IAN 
As I sit at their table,

CLAIRE 
And drink from their cup,

BOTH
I’ll try to work out 
How I’ve ended up,
Shackled for life

IAN 
To a shrew,

CLAIRE 
And a pup

BOTH 
Why did I marry a Fraser?
Why did we marry a Fraser?

JAMIE 
Who’s John Wayne?